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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between Jesus, and a picture of Jesus? It only takes one nail to hang the picture."

"Some homophobic guys are scared that a dude might hit on 'em. If a chick wouldn't hit on you, neither would a dude. Ugliness is universal."

"Step 1) Ask mom to come meet your girlfriend. Step 2) Text ""Medusa's excited to meet you."" Step 3) Place statue of yourself on your lawn."

"The company CEO gives a few words of personal appreciation each year at the holiday party. I got, ""Oh, you're still here?"""

"If you drop a peanut in a shag rug forget it, let it go."

"I can't cook. My strategy for operating the oven is basically the same as my strategy for sex I do my best to turn it on, then I stick my stuff in and hope for the best."

"A nurse finds a rectal thermometer in her pocket and says ""some asshole has my pen"" edit: Original Joke by Jimmy Carr (thanks /u/gacres57)"

"Grammar is: 1. How we structure our sentences. 2. Grandpa's wife. Some of you will pick number two."

"If smart guys like dumb girls, and dumb guys like dumb girls, who likes smart girls? Cats."

"I spend an awful lot of time picking the most desirable potato chips out of the bag for someone who's going to eat them all anyway."