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Joke of the Day

"<gets pulled over> Officer- What's making all that noise in your trunk? Me- My feelings. I'm trying to dispose of them properly."

"I came across a joke on Reddit.... ....and read-it."

"Remember kids -- it may be illegal to text and drive; but you can still lawfully handwrite someone a heartfelt letter at 50mph."

"I used to race motorcycles. Man, those things are a lot faster than me."

"either my xbox is broken, or it wants to get married and start a family... because it's done playing games with me."

"A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. ""First offender?"" The judge asked. ""No"" said the bailiff, ""First a Gibson, then a Fender."""

"Accidentally got two shots of hand sanitizer so if you need me I'll be rubbing my hands together for the rest of my life."

"People keep mistaking my ""wow""s for compliments."

"What do you call a Mexican midget? A paragraph... Cause he's not a full ese"

"Did you hear about the time traveler who finished his plate? He went back four seconds."