135940

Joke of the Day

"What if your pillow could collect your dreams and when you wake up you plug it into your computer and watch them over again"

"Shouldn't elevators have a different name for the trip back down?"

"My therapist asked me if I ever black out because I drank to much alcohol. I responded ""Not that I can remember."""

"Where's the loneliest place on earth at? Hillary Clinton's vagina."

"If you're a girl on twitter and you have no pictures of yourself, I'm automatically assuming you're a cat that learned to use a computer."

"*lowers car suspension to look more gangster* *takes 12 minutes to ride over a speedbump*"

"What do you call a salad that's been cut with a knife? Ceasar"

"Usually takes me two or three tries to correctly aim the remote at the TV, if anyone was thinking of challenging me to a duel."

"How do you make a Bloody Nicole? Like a Bloody Mary, but with a stab of OJ..."

"Q: How many Pentagon procurement officers does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: Look for only $87 billion we can put up this chain of fluorescent satellites that will illuminate the whole planet."