135671

Joke of the Day

"What is the difference between a mechanical and civil engineer? The former builds weapons, the latter targets"

"They should put a statue of me next to the Statue of Liberty so immigrants know the American Dream is hit or miss."

"There's a man with two penises? That's nothing, I once knew a guy with FIVE penises... ...and his pants fit like a glove."

"Yo mama is so ugly that she gave Freddy Krueger nightmares."

"How can you tell when an accountant is extroverted? He looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own."

"What do a Typhoon and Aquaman have in common? They both come in waves. Context: In Taiwan at the moment, thought of this while watching motorcycles get knocked over by wind."

"#rubbishjokes I don't like Russian dolls. They are so full of themselves."

"[sees cute girl jog by] ""Imma run up and ask her out"" [one block later still not caught up] ""Ok, wow, we probably weren't soul mates anyway"""

"""My wife worked a 12-hour day and I asked what was for dinner"" I explain to the other homeless people."

"""That's what."" -She."