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Joke of the Day

"it is hard to b scared of a angry person once u realize that they just wanted to tie a knot but insted of using string they used their arms"

"No, officer, I haven't been drinking; my toddler just needed to hand me everything from the back seat."

"""What do we want?"" ""Hearing aids."" ""When do we want them?"" ""Hearing aids."""

"How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb? Two. The light bulb you remove and the light bulb you replace it with."

"I fear my neighbor may be stalking me, she's been googling my name last night on her computer. I saw it clearly through my binoculars."

"My boss is so nit picky that he's not even a micro manager... ...he's a quantum manager."

"What's the difference between a Jew and a canoe? a canoe tips."

"How do you know when a hiptser is a good secret agent? You've never heard of him."

"Why did the circus animals go on strike? The elephants found out that they were being paid peanuts compared to the rest of the troupe and the ringleader was taking the lions share."

"Be smart because you won't be pretty forever."