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Joke of the Day

"Me: Do you have any dreams? Him:...I'm running on a giant hamster wheel and a squirrel wearing a tuxedo comes... Me: ASPIRATIONS YOU IDIOT"

"Once a teacher said nobody was buying my cool guy act but he dropped his clipboard and there was a drawing of me in sunglasses on it."

"Why did the 16 year old girl get pregnant? She went to Jared."

"Had a job interview yesterday and was asked how much I was worth so I got up to leave. They ask me if there is a problem? Yes there is, I can't afford to live off that."

"Million dollar idea: make $100,000 ten times"

"Computers teach us 3 healthy daily habits... read/write and Run"

"You know when you read a page of a book and then realize you didn't absorb any of it? I think I did that with my life."

"So my biology teacher asked me what are in cells... I said ""black people"" and somehow that wasn't right"

"What's the difference between an egg and a redditor? An egg gets laid"

"Where do weirdos ride their bicycles? Psycho-paths. (as told by one of my coworkers)"