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Joke of the Day

"Me: Can u send me those documents? Coworker: Yes, but u can actually get them by-- Me: Nope, don't try teaching me to fish. Not interested."

"A man walks into a zoo. The only animal in the entire zoo is a dog. It's a **shitzhu**."

"Did you hear the one about the three holes in the ground? Well, well, well..."

"I hope my tombstone reads: Matrixed 9 out of 10 bullets."

"What does a guy call his diabetic girlfriend? Sweet Pee"

"Pro tip: If you forget their name after a one night stand, just take them to Starbucks in the morning."

"I have always wanted to watch American History X... But I have never been able to find the first nine."

"Why did the Mexican take Xanax? For Hispanic attacks."

"Everyone is like happy 2016 and Apple is like: Happy 2015s!"

"Me: So tired Brain: IKR!! But wait, who organised the alphabet... M: Please don't B: N how do we know it's not actually disorganized?"