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Joke of the Day

"What do motor scooters and fat women have in common? They're fun to ride until your friends find out."

"Do you like raisin bran? Well, it's a good thing you adopted him then, but don't be surprised if he turns out to be a cereal killer..."

"There should be bongs and blunts at viewings in funeral homes... A true wake and bake."

"When a waitress asks if I'd like to hear about the specials, I politely explain that talking about retarded people ruins my appetite."

"A friend and me were arguing over whether masterbation is better with lube or not . . . different strokes for different folks, I guess. (I think I came up with that but I'm not sure)"

"Handgun owners have a 2% increased rate of suicide. If we could get that up to 10%, Democrats stand a chance in 2020."

"I had to throw away a whole carton eggs this morning. They were all starting to grow a little fowl."

"Teacher: In music if ""f"" means ""forte"" what does ""ff"" mean ? Pupil: Eighty"

"A canibal walks out of the restroom and looks to his friend... ...He then says, ""I shat the sheriff, but I did not shit the deputy"""

"I'm getting tired of having to write ""Sent from my iPhone"" at the end of all my e-mails. Maybe I should just get an iPhone."