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Joke of the Day

"How did the hipster burn his tongue? He sipped his coffee before it was cool."

"In a blind test, 100% of participants... said they totally didn't see this joke coming."

"A child asks his dad... Child: ""Dad, how high is that building?"" Building: ""If I'm already built, why am I called a building?"" Dad: ""Pretty damn high."""

"I would rather lie there and accept death than try to get out of a hammock while anyone is watching me."

"How many guys in the friend zone does it take to change in a light bulb? None. They just compliment it and get pissed when it won't screw."

"Is this a coincidence or did a Brazilian design the FIFA logo Is [this](http://i.imgur.com/3eTWAuQ) or is this not a facepalm??"

"Why did the old lady fall into the well? She didn't see that well"

"What do you call pasta sex? pennetration."

"It's find it a tough decision to buy the right mattress... I guess I'll have to sleep on it."

"Watching CNN for news is like watching ""Patch Adams"" for medical advice."