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Joke of the Day

"I saw my friend chopping up onions I couldn't stop crying ever since. Onions was such a good friend of mine."

"How did Caitlyn Jenner and Kanye West settle an argument? They went outside and exchanged blows."

"If my calculations are correct, slinky + escalator = everlasting fun."

"He who fights with lobsters must take care not to become a lobster. For when you gaze long into the bisque, the bisque also gazes into you."

"People say you never see ninjas but I see their girlfriends hanging around mosques all the damn time."

"I've been eating a lot of pineapple lately, you know what that means... I have a pineapple flavored sock under my bed."

"How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? It doesn't matter. No matter how many feminists there are, they can't change anything. Source: a friend"

"What is worse than ants in your pants? Uncles in your pants"

"Guy getting on elevator in my office building.."" Going Down?"" Me: ""No, but I've got time for a hug"""

"I met an exercising nun. She was a firm believer."