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Joke of the Day

"Q: Why can't blondes make ice cubes? A: They always forget the recipe."

"There's a spider that's been in the same place on my living room wall for an hour so he's essentially also watching Shrek."

"[looking at wife as firefighters cut me out of baby swing at playground] It doesn't say its specifically for babies, Karen"

"*approaches your table* Magic trick? *I hold out some cards with fake hands while my real hand pokes out of my shirt and steals your burger*"

"For class, my son had to create his own mythological god. He created Chillux, the god of relaxation, whose house is full of hammocks."

"A class is learning about probability.. Teacher: If I toss a penny, what are the chances that I get a head? Girl: For a penny? Not very bright."

"My air fresheners for insane people got turned down... They said there wasn't any cents in making scents for people who don't make sense"

"Her: I'm just a vintage soul Me: and a vintage face.. That's how the fight started"

"[guy bursts into crowded real estate agents] OK NOBODY MOVE *from back office* Aw c'mon man - really? It's tough enough in this economy."

"I just ran into my barber on the street. He asked me how I liked the haircut he gave me last week. I told him it's growing on me."