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Joke of the Day

"I thought about doing anal But I figured my dick has gotten me in enough shit already"

"If you enjoyed the film Mean Girls... You'd love Standard Deviation Girls!"

"What do you call a black woman whose had an abortion? A crimefighter"

"How are buttsex and asparagus the same? If you're forced to have it as a child, you won't enjoy it as an adult."

"Me: ""Aw, your baby is cute. How old?"" Woman: ""Thanks, she's 34 weeks. Do you have the time?"" Me: ""Sure, it's 972 minutes past midnight."""

"So a little boy and a child molester are walking though a forest in the middle of the night. The little boy says,""I'm scared."" So the Molester says,""You're scared? I've gotta walk back alone!"""

"Whenever someone says ""Let's kill two birds with one stone"", I wonder what they did wrong. Probably some kind of religious violation."

"Have you noticed that jokes starting with have you noticed' are usually shit!"

"family member: what are you doing with your life? me: it's a surprise"

"I bought some Velcro shoes so that nobody can make fun of my velcro wallet anymore because now they will match"