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Joke of the Day
"How did the witch almost lose her baby? She didn't take it far enough into the woods."
Next Joke
"A seal walks into a club.... That's the story and we're sticking to it."
"ME: [sitting in kitchen writing out bills] SON: I lost a tooth. I'm gonna leave it under my pillow tonight. ME: I'd wait until next week."
"What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk guy."
"some guy said that I slur a lot when I'm drunk I said no I don't you stupid nigger"
"70% of writing is writ"
"I Like my Woman How I Like my Coffee... Hot, in the kitchen, and ready for me when I wake up."
"A man walks into a restaurant and asks, ""You got any spare ribs?"" The owner says, ""Nope. I need all of mine."""
"[tv announcer] Are you bloated? Tired? Unable to enjoy the activities you once loved? [me with mouthful of chips] YEAH"
"My co worker just asked if I could help file some documents. I said I was working on a huge project while she watched me play solitaire."