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Joke of the Day

"Why go out and be a 3rd wheel when you can stay home and be a unicycle?"

"How do you call two guys on a motocycle? Fucking morons; they could have stolen two motocycles!"

"TIL 5 out of 4 people have a problem with fractions."

"TIFU by eating someone else's subway sandwich. Oops, wrong sub."

"I wish I was a helicase enzyme... ...because then I could unzip your genes"

"[Walking around park with kid] Daughter: Daddy, why is grass green? Me: Because God wants to remind me I have no money everywhere"

"I went to a really emotional wedding the other day Even the cake was in tiers."

"What do you call a 6 feet tall circle that recently got his diploma from college? A Graduated cylinder."

"You can idolize anything... You just have to put your mind into it."

"In the eye doctor waiting room with my mom. There's apparently an old person throat clearing competition here today."