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Joke of the Day

"Shout out to my neighbors for the 2:00 am fireworks; I hope you enjoyed my 7:00 am weed whacking."

"For date night tonight I'm taking my wife out for a nice dinner at the Sam's Club sample tables."

"What did the food say to the other food, while inside a stomach? I won't digest yet."

"Joseph: no rooms? Dude she's about to give birth to humanity's savior Innkeeper: sorry busy around Christmas time J: wtf around what time"

"Ok, I am now following you. Where are we going? I vote for Arby's. I love the horsey sauce. I shall bring my own horse."

"I once bought an e. e. cummings poem collection.. It was the worst game of Mad Libs ever."

"Perhaps the greatest fashion revolution was moving the pads from the shoulder to the bras"

"I heard reports of a white haired man in a strange outfit going around emptying his sack in children's bedrooms across the country. Which is crazy because I heard Jimmy Saville was dead."

"Was glancing through the Obituaries this morning and found it really creepy that all these people managed to die in alphabetical order."

"Just went too deep with a Q-Tip and now I can't do math."