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Joke of the Day

"My friends got tired of the ""Chinese Fire Drill"". Instead, we shout ""Triangle Fire Drill"", lock the car doors and scream until we reach our destination."

"Before you go to sleep tonight, don't forget to sprinkle gluten around your bed to keep away the hipsters."

"Got caught talking to myself today. So I pretended I was a tree until they walked away."

"I like to call my dick Metapod.... Cuz all it does is harden"

"I had a job circumcising elephants. The pay wasn't much, but the tips were huge!"

"Him: Wow you're eating again? Me: Wow you're celibate again?"

"A friend once asked if I wanted to hear a racist joke... Her: Wanna hear a racist joke? Me: Sure. Her: Howe Luong is a Chinese man. It took me all day to get that one."

"This one's mainly for Mexicans and Texans. What did Daniel Boone say to Davey Crocket when thousands of Mexicans charged at them at the Alamo? ""Davey.... are we pouring concrete today??"""

"My wife cried when I bought her a car... It was a Saab."

"My ex told me that I was gonna die alone... I told her she was wrong because I would die while making out with a shotgun."