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Joke of the Day

"How many Feminists does it take to change a Light Bulb? Two - One to change the Bulb and one to Blow Me"

"I became a proud father today He just turned four, but he was a boring little shit the first few years."

"Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, would you like to take this knife out of my back. You'll probably need it again."

"My fish makes so much noise during the night that I wake up six times a night to ask him if we are fighting"

"Smokey the Bear just told me that only *I* could prevent forest fires. This is a lot of pressure, people."

"How many cops does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to beat the room for being black and one to arrest the light bulb for being broke."

"Remember when President-Elect Trump said immigrants were going to take our jobs? It's all true! Just ask Michelle Obama!"

"How do you fit five elephants into a car ? Two in the front two in the back and the other in the glove compartment !"

"What do you get when you step into the ring with Mohammad Ali? Too soon"

"Q: How did bulldogs get such flat noses? - A: From chasing cars."