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Joke of the Day

"For fun, I steal my married friends phones & change my name to 'Brandy from the club' then repeatedly call them & hang up at 3am. #topahole"

"My three sons are gonna hate me... once I name them Prescott, Scott, and Postscott"

"Hey baby are you a basic bitch? Cause you're alkafine!"

"I started volunteering with children today. Should I use anti-bacterial hand gel, or is spraying them in the face with Lysol enough?"

"What do you call a white woman that identifies as black? TransRachel - credit Jennie"

"In the words of a famous troublemaker I have a dream."

"How to be a good person: 1. Listen to everything they say on Fox News. 2. Do the exact opposite."

"*two turtles strapping themselves to a sleeping cheetah* Just you wait, Carl! This is gonna be awesome!"

"Did Adam and Eve ever have a date? No, but they had an Apple. "

"By the nervous look on his face I thought my boyfriend had an engagement ring hidden in his hand but it was just a stranger's bra. Whew."