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Joke of the Day

"Walking dead spoiler alert. There are zombies and they like to try & eat people but the people are like ""nuh uh zombie, we don't want that"""

"[NSFW] Next time you're constipated, just watch Fox News or CNN. They bother the shit out of everyone."

"When I die I want the people I did group work with to lower me into my grave So they can let me down one last time"

"I don't pluck my unibrow to look good, I do it because McDonald's sued me for illegal use of the double arches."

"How do like really laid-back types answer the phone? Mellow."

"I bet homophobic guys get reincarnated into condoms."

"I hate when someone sneaks up in front of you when you're scrolling on your phone"

"Whats a mile long and has a thousand arms? The train to Auschwitz. Some German guy i used to play Path of Exile with told it to me."

"[blind date] ""I'm like, really good at *looks on hand* making the sex"" -did you just read that off your hand? ""Hey! You're not blind!"""

"Who wears a red suit, and knows if you are naughty or nice? The Spanish Inquisition"