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Joke of the Day

"My New Years resolution is to quit doing dick jokes. It does limit my material though. It does makes it...hard."

"What do you throw a drowning guitarist? His amp."

"What do tornadoes and blondes have in common? When they show up there's a lot of sucking and blowing, but when they're gone, your house and car are gone too."

"Where did Sally go when the bomb went off? EVERYWHERE"

"If it helps, a lot of the awful ones are either married or gay, too."

"What kind of sex toys do terrorists prefer? Blow up dolls."

"Television is a medium because anything well done is rare."

"I just want to be wealthy enough to fill a swimming pool with puppies. A lot of puppies are going to die but I think it will be worth it"

"What do you call a feminist that raps about women's rights? Feminem"

"All of Donald Trump's wives are foreigners... Turns out there really are jobs American's won't do. Source: Mitt Romney's response to an interviewer's question."