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Joke of the Day

"an optimist, a pessimist, and a nihilist live in a shared apartment. dah- dum -- crash!"

"Why don't you ever see elephants hiding in trees? Because they're really good at it."

"How does a musician make a million dollars? They start with 2 million."

"The drunker I get, the more dance moves I know."

"Portland is on fire and the nearest Trump voter is 300 miles away. Democrats have a terrible ground game."

"How many men escaped the destruction of Sodom? A Lot."

"I knew the Psychic was a phony as soon as she accepted my check."

"He: How are you? Me: Thanks, but I'm too old for you He: I was going to ask about your wireless prov... Me: Just keep telling yourself that"

"Why is russian roulette bad for parties? It kills the mood ."

"STOP PUTTING SIRENS IN MUSIC FOR PETE'S SAKE! I let my hair down & undid two buttons before i realized i wasn't getting pulled over!"