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Joke of the Day

"Sort of embarrassing when the babysitter shows up, and I don't have kids, and then it's $300 an hour."

"I like to write ""Wake Up"" on my To-Do list so I can start the day off accomplishing something."

"What's the last thing a stripper does with her asshole before starting her shift? Drops him off at band practice."

"""I just love a girl in uniform"" Appropriate on the battlefield, but not at your local schoolyard."

"FBI offers to help France investigate the terrorist attacks. So far, they think North Korea is behind it."

"What do Spiderman and I have in common? We both end up with sticky hands after using the web."

"Hi, welcome to dating. These are your two options:1. Stay together forever2. Break upNo pressure."

"Every good story starts with a strong female character. You know, some heroin."

"Two rules I live by #1 Never Take No for an Answer #2 No means No"

"What's the stupidest animal in the jungle? The polar bear."