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Joke of the Day

"What are the four hardest years of a police officer's life? The first grade."

"Today, I played God. I saw a bug, suffering. I watched it for a couple of minutes. Then I kept watching, and watching, and watching..."

"Man Bun? or Douche Knot? neither, it's a fairy tail."

"What kind of underwear does Severus Snape wear? Always."

"What is the difference between like, love, hate, and showing off? Spit, swallow, bite, and gargle."

"I went to Costco the other day... As I was checking out the cashier asked me "" Do you wanna box?"" I said ""No, but I'll wrestle you!"""

"Cop: Know why I stopped you? Me: Cuz you SMELLED THIS DONUT? *tosses donut out window* Cop: ... Me: Aren't you gonna go get- Cop: Get out."

"I have an irrational fear that I'm accidentally making up words. I don't want to be misunderstandable."

"One of the worst things about tweeting while driving is all of the people that seem to appear out of nowhere on the sidewalk."

"Test post, do not click. You suck at following directions."