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Joke of the Day

"i can guess how someone will die based on their clothes date: what about me? Hawaiian themed bathroom fire"

"I used to struggle to keep food on the table until I Googled ""how to get your pet turtle Charles to hold still because he's a table now."""

"Why did the chick disappoint his mother? Because he wasn't all he was *cracked up* to be."

"What did E.T.'s mother say to him when he got home? What did E.T.'s mother say to him when he got home? WHERE ON EARTH HAVE YOU BEEN? Saddest joke ever."

"tip: glue a tiny mirror onto your drivers license photo so, when you hand it to the cops, they will get confused & arrest themselves instead"

"True friends don't judge each other. They judge other people.. together."

"If at first you don't succeed... ...skydiving is not for you"

"What did the insurance company say to the applicant? THIS ISN'T EVEN MY FINAL FORM!"

"What's Fozzy Bear's favorite city? Mil-wocka-wocka-waukee"

"Sharon: I'm so homesick. Sheila: But this is your home! Sharon: I know and I'm sick of it."