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Joke of the Day

"Every Political Ad Ever: I'm a rich guy who's not like the other rich guy he's a total douche. *Paid for by my rich guy friends*"

"When 2 Chainz doesn't want to be recognized he just takes off one chain."

"patiently explainin to a 5yr old that night lights only mean u will SEE the monster as it rips u apart.. that sometimes not knowin is better"

"You'll catch more flies with honey than you will with vinegar. Also a rotting corpse will work. Or poop. Lots of ways to attract flies."

"Dear Edward, maybe the reason you can't read Bella's mind is because there's nothing in her head. Sincerely, Logic."

"Eat* a big** bowl*** of Cheerios****! Part***** of any healthy****** breakfast*******! [please read warnings and disclaimers carefully]"

"Did you ever hear about the Mexican born with two wieners. He named them Jose and hose b"

"I was in the bank yesterday and all the money floated out of the vault and flew right out the door... It was a polterheist."

"A girl walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre... ... So he gives it to her!"

"People often say to me... ""What are you doing in my garden?"""