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Joke of the Day

"What's hairy and flies through the air? Jonathan Livingstone Gorilla!"

"So you have better sunblock than me... Rub it in"

"Santorum pulls out after repeatedly coming in number two"

"""Congrats Lobster Boy, u got the job"" [Lobster Boy goes in for the handshake but cuts his employer's hand clean off]"

"THERAPIST: what's the problem? WIFE: he objectifies women ME: [trying to stuff bread into her armpit] toaster"

"What's lil Wayne's favorite pizza? Lil seizure"

"Why did the chewing gum cross the road? 'Cause I stepped on it."

"What's your favorite genre of music? ""Not Metal."""

"I'm beginning to suspect that my boyfriend is not really a ninja & that he moved out nine month ago."

"My friends tell me that I'm a sociopath, but I don't care what they think."