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Joke of the Day

"Your resume just says ""falconer"" ""And?"" Well, this is a bank *falcon starts break-dancing* ""Not yet Tyler, wait until he offers us the job"""

"*breaks into museum* *sprays fine mist to show alarm lasers* *plays a sweet jam on boombox* *krumps right into each beam*"

"I tried to come up with a pun about famous German philosophers... but I Kant."

"""I know she told me to buy Tampax, but I'll buy the store brand that's on sale instead."" The last thoughts of a man who's about to die."

"What's the difference between a baloon and a condom? When a balloon pops - there's one less. When a condom pops - there's one more. Or more."

"What do you call a German guy wearing basketball shoes? Herr Jordan"

"I just told my brother he was adopted, his response was, ""At least they picked me"""

"I want to believe Pistorius...... ... But it's pretty clear his argument doesn't have a leg to stand on"

"When the audio cuts out at the end of a newscast and the anchors start chit-chatting I like to pretend it's about my surprise party."

"My asian girlfriend refuses to go all the way with me... She's a real life Chinese finger trap"