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Joke of the Day

"What are the aardvark's favorite Beatle's songs? It's Been an Aards Day's Night and I Want to Hold Your Ant!"

"My optometrist likes to make eye puns they keep getting cornea and cornea"

"Earthquake in DC... This is the shakeup in Washington we needed."

"The iWatch is awesome because it's the fastest way to let everyone know you used to have 500 dollars."

"Q: What do you call a sleepwalking nun? A: A roamin' Catholic!"

"Damn girl, are you damn girl? Because damn girl"

"It's weird that my neighbors won't let me borrow their keys & make a copy of them in case I need to clean their house while they're asleep."

"Me: Leonard Nimoy died today. Co-worker: From Star Wars? *goes home* Wife: How was your day? Me: Leonard Nimoy and a co-worker died today."

"What's the difference between Isis hostages and Isis terrorists? Don't ask me, I just fly the drones..."

"I like my eggs like the women I like Whites only"