131799

Joke of the Day

"Gone are the days that girls cooked like their mothers, because these days they drink like their fathers."

"Two strangers are introduced ""you have such a lovely name"" ""thanks, I got it for my birthday"""

"Rock stars are always hitting the people they date.... Because they want everything to be a smashing success. After I wrote this, I'm reevaluating my life."

"A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says... ""Why the long face?"" The horse says, ""My wife was just diagnosed with pancreatic cancer."" The bartender says, ""Holy shit! A talking horse!"""

"I wanted to be a gynecologist, but I couldn't find an opening."

"""Phone Call to My Dad"" feat. My Mom Yelling Things at Me in the Background"

"Superman: How'd you know? Lex: Know what? S: My secret identity! L: Whaddya mean? S: You called me a KENT!! L: That's NOT what I called you."

"Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 killed the headphone jack with lightning"

"Remember, if you're ever being attacked by a mob of clowns Always go for the juggler."

"This morning I was beaten by a woman in an elevator. I was staring at her boobs when she said, ""Would you please press one?"" I don't remember much after that."