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Joke of the Day

"I used to have a drinking problem. I still do, but I used to, too."

"Knock knock You: ""Knock knock"" Victim: ""Who's there?"" You: ""I ate up"" Victim: ""I ate up who?"" (May need to be read aloud)"

"I once went five years without having sex then I turned six and my uncle raped me"

"This restaurant is so fancy they made my husband wear a jacket over his mesh half-shirt."

"What do you call two marry-go-rounds having sex? I don't know, i'm just fucking around."

"what gets wet when it dries?? a towel"

"Just realized after two years that my boss is actually a grapefruit covered in ramen noodles with peanut eyes. Still very afraid of him."

"A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.... A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, ""Is this some kind of joke?"""

"I suspect the number 200 sometimes impersonates the word ZOO."

"Tension between Katy Perry and Taylor Swift is heating up... ...and Obama is ordering air strikes on Syria, like that's gonna help. What an idiot."