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Joke of the Day

"I want to glisten like a Budweiser beer and attract men, but here I am sweating casually for no one."

"My girl threw this one at me right before bed: ""Do you know why I don't like going to the dentist?"" Because they always do a full cavity search!"

"What did the German physicist call his beer mug? Ein stein."

"Some might say I peed my pants. I like to say I voided my bladder into my trousers like the classy refined gentleman that I am. #bt140"

"My ""snooze"" button should just be called the ""nope, no yoga today"" button."

"How many babies does it take to paint a wall red? Depends on how hard you throw them."

"I treat my body like a temple.. That's been destroyed by ISIS"

"Why am I fat? Every time I fuck your girlfriend, she gives me a cookie"

"Famous Russian snooker player Inov the red"

"The lesbian couple next door got me a Rolex for my birthday... I think they misheard me when I said ""I wanna watch"""