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Joke of the Day

"Masturbation Just got back from competing in the Blindfolded Masturbation World Championship No idea where I came."

"Hey baby, are you a parking ticket? because i'm not going to pay you"

"Last night I was laying in bed, looking at the stars... And then I wondered, Where the fuck did my roof go?"

"So apparently when a woman asks what you're looking for in a relationship, ""a way out"" isn't the right answer."

"Why did the White Man go to the Moon? He wanted more land. -Heard this from a native friend of mine. I laughed my ass off."

"Raccoons wearing tiny little glasses, digging through trash and carefully reading nutritional information of any food items they find."

"I've just opened a casino for dogs where they can play roulette, poker blackjack etc... They'll have to go outside for craps though."

"So I heard Russia banned Scientology... I guess they're not Putin up with that."

"I use to worry I was a nihilist... but then I realized I don't care."

"What's the difference.... Between my girlfriend and santa? Some people actually believe santa exist."