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Joke of the Day

"Masturbation Just got back from competing in the Blindfolded Masturbation World Championship No idea where I came."

"Kanye & Kim were discussing their decision to name their child North West They agreed that next time they would fly with Virgin"

"Sometimes It's nice just to sit with the person you love. But then it has to get all awkward and her husband is all ""Why you at our table?"""

"How do you titillate an ocelot? You osculate its tit a lot!"

"What do you do when two snails have a fight? Leave them to slug it out."

"I can't tell if I'm going bald... or if it's all in my head."

"Life is like a box of chocolate... ... it doesn't last long for fat people."

"Let my son leave the house today wearing a striped shirt and plaid shorts. I'm done, he's natural selections problem now."

"My dad worked on a car assembly line for 40 years. He retired years ago but still struggles with post pneumatic press disorder."

"I blame movies for giving me unrealistic expectations about how long I can look away from the road while driving."