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Joke of the Day
"What's black and white and being milked tonight? Michael brown's death"
Next Joke
"""Want to get a drink?"" ""Later:"" ""How about now?"" ""Later."" ""Now?"" ""Later."" ""Now?"" --If the Windows Auto Updates pop up was your friend."
"What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it."
"A man who worked at a fire hydrant factory was always late for work. When confronted by his boss the man explained: ""You can't park anywhere near this place!"""
"""excuse me, (Chinese couple at the next table,) I seem to have forgotten my calculator, can I borrow your toddler?"""
"Mechanic said I blew a seal... Technically, it was a sea lion, but more importantly, how did he even know?"
"I just spent 38 minutes on the phone w my mother. And she couldn't tell I was drinking. I'm worried about her, now."
"Miley Cyrus's VMA preformance... Was so classless Karl Marx came in his grave"
"So when a cat pounces on a stranger's lap and demands tickles it's ""cute"" but when I do it I'm ""causing trouble in Starbucks"" again. Jeez!"
"*gains winter weight for ""insulation"" *is now fat and cold"