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Joke of the Day

"Watching my kids play the Xbox Kinect and it's taking me back to when I was a kid and we had this great game called playing outside."

"What is it called when a ninja flees the scene of an accident? Hidden Run."

"[at a wedding] *bridesmaids walk to stage* 5 year old: Does he get to pick?"

"TIL that soldiers in Vietnam ate small amounts of C4 plastic explosive to get high. No wonder the US defense budget blew up so quickly."

"I can't cook with spices right now... ...I just don't have the thyme."

"To the additional pot that was on the stove after I thought I was done washing the dishes, I hate your stinkin' guts."

"Did you hear about the Puerto Rican secretary who was getting so experienced she could type twenty mistakes a minute?"

"Worst. Cruise. Ever. - Katie Holmes"

"What's the best way to make an egg roll? You push it! I deserve salmonella for even posting this..."

"'Kyrgyzstan' is what happens when you've already named all the other countries and you have left over letters."