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Joke of the Day

"There's a new wheelchair party forming But it doesn't really stand for anything. (At least it'll always have a spokes person)"

"I love how people say they're ""expecting"" a baby, as though it might be something else, like a penguin."

"My stoner neighbors got divorced but it's okay because they got joint custody"

"""my dad works at Nintendo"" ""No he doesn't ur such a liar"" *Donkey Kong walks in & takes off his hat & coat* ""Hey sport, good day at school?"""

"I smelled alcohol and got all excited then realized it was only hand sanitizer."

"With American Airlines stock at 20 cents, I can't decide between paying for two checked bags or buying half the company."

"You know you're a bad driver when Siri tells you ""after 400 feet stop and let me out"""

"I have no idea how the cavemen could afford to eat paleo."

"I think my TV is broken because these commercials make being human look like a gorgeous adventure but I'm just tired and sad. Yes I can hold"

"""I saw a flock of cows today"" ""Flock of cows?"" ""Yes a flock of cows"" ""Herd of cows?"" ""Of course I've heard of cows, I saw a flock of them!"""