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Joke of the Day

"With American Airlines stock at 20 cents, I can't decide between paying for two checked bags or buying half the company."

"I was going to go check out r/TwoX..... but it's just a bunch of pussies there"

"Just saw a fully functional phone booth with an intact yellow pages; so, yeah, I know a thing or two about time travel."

"I just invented a new word. Plagiarism."

"Bob: Who is that? Me:That's Ted, he's the opposite of a hypochondriac.. Ted's arm falls off Ted: Hey guys! Bob: Holy shit! Ted: What, I'm ok"

"A pig walks ito a bar ot aother bar joke. Just my fuckig ' ' key is't workig."

"1st day of hunting season: *puts on camo* *climbs up in tree stand* *waits w/binoculars to see one hunter accidentally shoot another hunter*"

"Doesn't count, officer, you forgot to read me my amanda rights! ""Your what?"" You know, my... [mumbles] banana rights."

"Nothing moves faster than a girl untagging herself from an ugly picture."

"4 out of 5 dentists agree: Dentist #5 is a real asshole."