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Joke of the Day

"I'm a scientist that's researching beastiality between humans and dogs. I'll be in my lab"

"I think there are female hormones in beer Because, if you start drinking to much you start to get fat and you lose the ability to drive."

"After an attempted mugging a few months ago I started carrying a knife Now my muggings are much more successful!"

"A police officer mistakenly arrested a judge who was dressed as a convict for a costume party. He quickly learned that you should never book a judge by their cover."

"Ray Rice. Michael Vick. And now Adrian Peterson. Congratulations, NFL. Your woman/children/animal abuse trifecta is officially complete."

"Marriage is not a noun; it's a verb. Kinda like crying, screaming, or dying."

"I Messed up a Customer's Sandwich Order Today... Oh shit, nevermind, wrong sub"

"NASA spent 1.5mil on a pen that works in space. Russia putin a pencil."

"When you're with the right person, you feel the perfect balance of happy and horny."

"If this phone were really smart, it wouldn't let me call people."