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Joke of the Day

"When I wake up every morning, things always go well. I'm like the optimistic amputee who always starts his day off on the right foot."

"Today I drove through a huge puddle that splashed up under my car and laughed to myself as I whispered, ""car bidet."""

"What's the difference between a Maine girl and a moose? 15 lbs and a flannel shirt."

"Thanks for telling me this is your ""pet cat"" because otherwise I might have thought it was your business associate cat."

"KENNEDY: lets keep our affair a secret MARILYN MONROE: ok i'll sing happy birthday all sexy & weird at ur bday K: pls dont MM: *winking* ok"

"You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands... For example, if she's holding a gun, she's probably angry."

"Name a bird which doesn't lay eggs? any male bird"

"What math classes do gender studies majors take? Triggernometry."

"What do you call a potato that looks like Hitler? A dick-tator."

"Why can't Stevie Wonder see his mates? Because he's married."