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Joke of the Day

"yo mamma is so stupid that when tomsterley walked out of his house wearing gay clothing she thought he was a yeti"

"What time does Sean Connery show up at Wimbledon every year? About tennish."

"What is round, ticks and if it falls down the clock is broken?"

"I once had a brush with Death and then a floss and a rinse; no woman wants to get intimate with a dark annihilator of souls with bad teeth."

"You are not even beneath my contempt."

"I can't direct you the ingredients to the ultimate diet shake.... But I can show you the whey"

"When your prescription says ""DO NOT DRINK ALCOHOL WHILE TAKING THIS"" how many beers are you really allowed to have? 6?"

"what did the kiwi statue said to the other kiwi statue? statue bro?"

"What is Harry Potter's philosophy on relationships... Hit it and quidditch."

"""Kindly let me help you or you will drown,""... ...said the monkey putting the fish safely up a tree."