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Joke of the Day

"If you need me, I'll be in the bathroom I guess it's finally time to shave my legs for spring *Walks away with hedge trimmers"

"Why did the condom fly across the room? It was pissed off."

"Wife: Where did all this glitter come from? Me: Jake, at State Farm."

"My wife has a shell tattood on her upper thigh.. And if you lay your ear on top of it, you can smell the sea."

"A cowboy goes into a shop to buy condoms Cowboy: ""Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."" Cashier: ""Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"" Cowboy: ""Nah.. She's purty good lookin'....."""

"My doctor sang this to me at my birthday ""Happy birthday to you. You live in a zoo. You have terminal cancer. Your family'll miss you"""

"Q: What do agnostic, insomniac dyslexics do at night? A: Stay awake and wonder if there's a dog"

"WAITER:What would you like? ME:What would YOU like? W:Excuse me? M:No one ever asks you, do they? W:*tearing up* No.. they don't. Thank you."

"My mouth so dry... Eli Whitney walk up on me while I'm yawning and invent the cotton gin."

"Damn girl! Your name must be Ebola... All I can think about is you spreading."