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Joke of the Day
"How did John Lennon like his Pop Tarts? Strawberry filled forever."
Next Joke
"What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Being raped by a giant scorpion.."
"Make sure to tip your waitress. It's pretty funny when they fall over."
"Me: Has anyone ever told you, you have the softest brown eyes? Her: No. Besides, my eyes are blue. Me: No wonder nobody's ever told you..."
"Patient: Doctor I think I swallowed a pillow. Doctor: How do you feel? Patient: A little down in the mouth."
"I heard PAX and Comic Con won't be merging after all... They wanted to avoid so much.... con-fusion."
"ME: OMG I CAN'T BREATHE I ATE WAY TOO MUCH CALL A DOCTOR HER: do you want dessert? ME: ok, but just a small slice."
"1. OMG will this ever end? 2. OMG will this ever end? 3. OMG will this ever end? -top 3 things on my mind when I'm in a a conversation"
"Procedure for being unthanked for door holding: 1. Keep eyes fixed on culprit 2. Say you're welcome 3. Shake head 4. Mutter ""unbelievable"""
"Why did the queen bee scald the worker bee? Because he was misbeehiving"