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Joke of the Day

"A woman is in an abusive relationship. She's talking to her friend one day. Her friend asks, ""Why do you stay with him?"" She replies, ""Beats me!"""

"I was walking down the street with my wife.. And i saw my mother in law being beaten up by six men, when my wife asked ""Aren't you going to help?"" I said ""No, six should be enough."" From Les Dawson."

"what does past, present, and future have in common? ...... tense"

"I got a cat the other day. I had to swerve, but I got it."

"When my kids get too loud in our minivan I simply race over the nearest speedbump to make them bite their tongues."

"My ex-girlfriend dropped this one on me a heavy box. She was trying to kill me."

"BREAKING: California becomes first state to ban plastic bags. People who love picking up dog shit with their bare hands rejoice."

"""HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU?! Seriously? You're 10 years old."" ""..."" ""Beer before liquor, never sicker. NEVER. SICKER."""

"TIL that Hitler never ate cake Apparently all the ovens were already being used."

"What do you call a good looking Spanish/Jewish guy? Flacowitz"