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Joke of the Day

"(OC) one I thought up this morning What did the vegetarian lion say before going hunting? ""Lettuce prey"""

"My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed birthday party, so I invited All of her Friends over and made them clean the house."

"5-year-old: Dad! Dad! My sister- Me: Stop tattling. I don't want to hear about it unless there's blood. 5: Me: 5: How much blood?"

"Ellen Pao reminds me of this guy I know... His name is OP"

"*Slides a five across the bar* Bartender: Did you... Did you break this off our sign out front? Me: (Confidently) tap water please."

"Damn girl, are you a hoover? Cuz dam"

"What's the difference between an immigrant & a book? One of them has papers."

"Turns out you have to *tell* a guy you're going out, otherwise you just end up standing on his doorstep wondering why he's in his sweats."

"Why do the french have so many civil wars? Because they like to win one every now and then"

"In the United States a man gets kicked in the groin every 6.2 seconds. I would hate to be that man."