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Joke of the Day

"Its Saddam shame, the situation in the Middle East... ... it's Assad day for us all."

"Did you hear about the ghost who went on safari? He was a big-game haunter!"

"[God creating cheesecake] GOD: [stuffing his face] oh man this is so good ANGEL: shouldn't u share it? GOD: [creates lactose intolerance]"

"I have ebola. AMA"

"A grizzly mauled a guy in an elevator... but I couldn't bear to see it go down."

"everything in the world's horrible now not like the good old days of black plague, holocaust, atomic bombs, holodomor, khmer rouge, crusades"

"When one door closes, another opens. Also, you can open the closed door. That's how doors work."

"Dude it's 2014 if your kids aren't sending nudes left and right and cross platform then you gotta worry about their technological literacy."

"I'm a 40 yr old man sitting at a Cafe with my eyes closed, squirting packets of mayo from under the table at the window as people walk by."

"What do gay carpenters say... I'd tap that!"