130351

Joke of the Day

"Complained to my wife about our sex life diminishing. Zero fucks were given."

"Did you hear about the woman who was shot 24 times in the back?! They say she got up afterwards, putting her clothes back on, and exclaimed ""Wow, your reload time is *amazing*!"""

"Why was Han Solo suspicious when he first put his penis in Princess Leia? It was Luke warm"

"What does Freud like to do with his mum Oedipussy"

"20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please don't let Kevin Bacon die."

"I saw this lady vogueing alone so I felt bad and started dancing with her. Anyone know sign language for 'Im sorry'?"

"Why does Sirius Black get all the girls? Because he's a real dawg."

"BREAKING: Israel Planning Surgery to Have its Dick Removed From GOP candidates Mouths"

"I have a serious self-loathing problem! Trust me to say that..."

"Dark humor is kind of like food.. .. Not everyone gets it."