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Joke of the Day

"If the Pope could smell my farts right now he'd cancel Christmas."

"Yeah, I'm basically a Pokemaster. *waves vaguely at shelves of confused squirrels in partially sealed Tupperware containers*"

"Uhhh, sorry Mozart, but a Wolf gang is called a pack. Smh"

"An Asian man goes to the eye doctor and the doctor says ""Sir, I'm sorry to say but you have a Cataract""... The Asian man turns to the doctor and says ""No, I have uh Rincoln Continentar"""

"My friend sat on my drink... It went flat"

"My dad's take on 35 years of marriage. Me: ""Mom and Dad, how does it feel to have been married for 35 years?"" Dad: ""Well, it only seems like it's been 5 minutes..."" Mom: ""Awww!"" Dad: ""...Underwater."""

"I once told my dad: ""I feel there are a good and a bad wolf in me fighting for control. But which one will win in the end?"" He said: ""The one you feed."""

"What did the hotel clerk tell the guest with paruresis during check in? Your in 8."

"What do you call having sex in a canoe? Bud Light, because it's fucking close to water."

"Interviewer: ""Are you good at making snap decisions?"" *20 minutes later* Me: ""No."""