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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a pizza and a hippy chick? You don't peel the crust off the pizza before you eat it"

"Why did the clock phone the ruler? Because desperate times call for desperate measures...."

"Adulthood is where you get excited over a new trash can. *blank stare*"

"How does James Bond type e-mails? With his goldfinger."

"my accountant: look at ur currently monthly budget: RENT: $800 GAS: $200 CHEEZ-ITS: $2,750 me: ur right, i need a cheaper place."

"Follow your dreams. Search through your dreams mail. Show up drunk on your dreams doorstep. Kidnap your dreams. Never let your dreams go."

"The 7-yr old has the flu so I'm letting her lick the envelopes of all my credit card bills."

"My friend recently arrived in Turkey for his annual holiday. He is doing bird."

"Umm..I don't want to be ""that inmate,"" but could you tell the chef that this needs more salt."

"The pen is mighter than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Chuck Norris."