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Joke of the Day

"They're predicting record highs for Wednesday. In other news the weather will be hotter than usual."

"Two things I am thankful for: 1: Family and friends. 2: Caller ID, so I can avoid certain family and friends."

"Who are the world's fastest readers? The 911 victims. They went through 50 stories in a minute. I'm so sorry"

"Bill Clinton was seeing his counselor... And his counselor asked how Hillary's head was doing with all this e-mail controversy. Bill replied, ""Still not as good as Monica's."""

"An elephant and a camel are talking The elephant asks, ""Why do you have boobs on your back?"" The camel replies, ""Ha! That's a funny question coming from an animal with a penis hanging from his face."""

"This murderer my friend knew double crossed him. He really stabbed him in the back."

"If someone overtakes me when I'm walking, I match their speed so it looks like I've got friends."

"Funny, those Baby Einstein videos don't mention anything about how he fled Baby Europe to escape the Baby Nazis."

"Sure she mainly used knife emojis but at least she replied to your text."

"A Muslim, an Illegal Immigrant, and a Marxist walk into a bar... And the bartender asks, ""What'll ya have, Mr. President?"""