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Joke of the Day

"I opened a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof."

"I took a girl with microcephaly out on a date... I was hoping to get a little head."

"Paraguay-Uraguay in the final would be so guay."

"*in bed* Him: what's your fantasy, baby? Me: Scrooge McDuck but skittles instead of gold Him: No, like sexual Me: Scrooge McDuck but skittl-"

"Whenever someone says to me ""You look so familiar, where do I know you from?"" I say, ""Do you watch porn?"""

"How to make someone disappear from your life forever. Ask them to pay you back."

"Life is like a cup of coffee... No matter how much sugar you put in it, there's always grounds at the end."

"Dr. Dre is coming out with celebrity themed Beats headsets. The first one is Chris Brown Beats Rihanna, it is black and blue colored."

"What's the difference between Batman, and a black man? Batman can go out at night without Robin. Ba-Dum-Tis!!!!!!!"

"What Do You Call a Jewish Pokemon Trainer? answer: ash"