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Joke of the Day

"me: if ur soulmate dies before u meet them do u get like a backup soulmate professor: i meant questions about the midterm"

"You eat what (phonetic joke)? Knock knock Who's there? I eat mop I eat mop who?"

"COP: PUT YOUR HANDS UP OCTOPUS: They're tentacles COP: OK PUT ALL 8 TENTACLES UP OCTOPUS: Two are my legs, dude COP: Just go. I give up."

"Why do atheists scream out 'oh my God' during sex? Because it's unbelievable."

"How did the hipster burn his tongue? He sipped his coffee before it was cool."

"The date had been magic. We moved to her couch & kissed. That's when horror struck as my eyes locked on the Duck Dynasty DVDs on her shelf."

"What's Obama's Favorite TV Show? Game of Drones"

"Lesbian Vampires What did one lesbian vampire say to the other? See you next month! Credit : /u/andrej88"

"Why is 1 disapproving of 6? That one doesn't believe in six before marriage."

"[funeral] Her: why is my dead grandfather wearing a diamond ring? *sliding it off his finger* Me: *gets down on one knee* because babe..."